When a family divides, many issues can arise. The decisions you make in the early weeks can have long-term impact on you, the other party and your children. To help, the Trust has identified a number of organisations and documents which you may find useful.
Separating, where to start
When you start the process of separation it can be daunting.
Advice Now have produced a range of Survival Guides; to help you fully understand the processes, systems and what outcome you may be able to achieve.
Guidance on separating assets
Most separations involve the division of assets between two parties. The Guides below provide, in significant detail, how to separate assets (such as your pension):
Family Justice Council - Sorting out Finances on Divorce 2016
Guidance on Financial Needs on Divorce: Edition 2 – April 2018
Guidance on Child Issues
Understanding the processes and options regarding your children is one of the most challenging parts of a separation. This Guide from the Judiciary is a very helpful starting point:
Guide for separated parents: children and the family courts
Top Tips for Separating Parents sheet created by the Family Justice Young People’s Board – it is a really colourful and informative source of the key messages children want parents to remember. If you want to refer to it online the link is at:
https://www.familymediationcouncil.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2019/09/Top-Tips-for-parents-FJYPB.pdf
Many people who are going through a court process are referred to the SPIPS programme. This programme is designed to help parents improve their understanding of how separation affects children, and how to communicate with their children during that experience. But you do not need to wait for the courts to refer you; you can attend a SPIPS course voluntarily.
Recent research has highlighted that children are affected by attributes of interparental conflict, specifically how parents express and manage conflicts in their relationship, across a continuum of expressed severity and negativity – ranging from silence to violence. Furthermore, new evidence highlights that children’s emotional, behavioral, social, academic outcomes, and future interpersonal relationships are adversely affected by conflict between parents/carers whether adults are living together or not (i.e. married or separated), or where children are or are not genetically related to their rearing parents (e.g. adoption).
Interparental conflict and youth psychopathology: an evidence review and practice focused update
How to talk to your teenager about divorce and separation
This guide is for parents of those children aged 15-18 years, who are facing divorce and separation in the family. It is written to help you have a conversation with your teenager about this difficult topic.
Organisations and resources that could help
Local contacts you may find useful
Telephone: 01223 698 497
Email: lawclinic@anglia.ac.uk
Telephone: 01603 496 623
Email: info@ncls.co.uk
Telephone: 0800 138 7777
Email: enquiries@maps.org.uk
Telephone: 01223 222 697
Email: caba@cambridgecab.org.uk
Cambridge Citizens Advice Bureau
Telephone: 01223 357 424
Email: caba@cambridgecab.org.uk
Norfolk Citizens Advice Bureau
Telephone: 03 444 111 444
Email advice form: https://www.ncab.org.uk/?p=contact.us
The Handover Book – a unique and simple communication book for separated families
Children can find conflict between their separated parents very distressing. Ashley Palmer and Leigh Moriarty have designed 'The Handover Book' to reduce the likelihood of disagreements between parents who are no longer living together.
Using this book helps both parents to remain aware of what is happening in their busy children’s lives as they go from one household to another. It is a way of communicating the important things, whilst keeping the parental relationship friendly and calm.
There is a section in this book for the children to fill out, and both parents are encouraged to help them with it. This will make it easier for the children to share their experiences, achievements and any worries that they might have.
The Divorce Journal for Children (Sue Atkins)
This journal is designed to help children express, explore and understand some of the strong emotions that they may be feeling; and to help them process the divorce for themselves.
A divorce or separation can be a difficult time for everyone, including your children and other family members. Although you are no longer together, you are still parents - it is vital that, together, you put aside differences and focus on raising your children to be happy, confident and resilient; despite living apart.
